HIS grace is sufficient! He's all the "at a'girl" I need!

This weekend and today has been a real eye opener after much time spent with God! It's funny how what HE reveals to you isn't always what you expect and sometimes not even what you want to hear. I have been exercising for quite a while now and haven't lost one solitary pound! I'm excited though because I have lost inches, but I must admit I want to start seeing some weight changes. Soooooo, to make a long story short, I have upped my exercise and am tracking my food. I have realized that I will have limitations with my feet

, but I'm okay with that. We'll see, but one thing I know or sure, with God for me, who can be against me. As for my lesson, yikes! Many have no idea of the insecurities that I battle. I hate it so bad, but I validate myself through the praises of others. I will praise others till the cows come home, but find myself deeply hurt when somebody doesn't offer encouragement to me! Now does that sound HUMAN or what! Don't get me wrong, when I tell somebody something, it is with the utmost sincerity with no strings attached! What God has revealed to me through this is that I don't have to long for the "at a girls" from others. Though it's always nice to hear, the one true acceptance I need is from my Lord and Savior! I know HE is proud of me and if nobody else in the world notices my changes, HE does, just as HE knows the number of hairs on my head. So I'm going to press own and try and do everything I do as though I'm doing it for the Lord! I'm going to thrive to do it with a good attitude, not codependent on anyone else and in the words of a not so great philosopher, get er' done!

More focus on my focus, but excited along the way!

Cannot express how excited I am to be on this new healthy journey! My kids are worth it, my husband is worth it, I am worth it and my God instructs it! Today I had a few "god winks" in the form of compliments. Though I find myself wanting to bury my head in the dirt, it does feel nice for others to see what you do not always see in yourself. I can give them all day, but receiving is truly another story. As I begin to feel better, I am finding myself wanting to focus more on how to improve myself more. I am down to 1 can coke a day, but want to focus much more on getting ALL my water in. Though I've been logging in Fitness Pal,which a friend introduced me to last year, I want to start doing more planning instead of simply logging and then assessing. Just love having this drive from inside that doesn't include anything, for once, but exercise, eating right, praying and sharing it with like minded friends. Just felt like venting tonight about how happy I am where I am. For the first time I am not seeking the acceptance and approval of others along the way and am not fueled by the opinions of others, but more by what my Heavenly Father thinks. This is so contrary to the old me. If nobody notices, it's okay, I notice. Other than my friends journeying with me, most don't even know. Just a subtle little compliment here and there makes my heart smile knowing that my little secret isn't a program or a pill, I can officially say it's just my new life I've begun! Lord thank you for my exercising buddies to share and support each other, thank you for a different mindset and my prayer is that you continue to place a drive in me for better health that is unquenchable. Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial!

God is faithful and so are his provisions daily!

This day marks the day that I lost my brother so many years ago. God has, I say gifted me, with the ability to not focus and lament on dates. To be honest, I had forgotten what this day was until a post on FB with pictures and the flood gates opened and the emotions came rushing in! It seems so unfair that the world seems to swallow up the hole that Jason left, but then I think, that's part of God's healing. You NEVER forget, ever, but God provides fullness in your life through family and friends. I am abundantly blessed with both. I actually have had an exciting day this afternoon. I've been cheering on my bestie who I love dearly on her journey to health and have joined her, though I don't battle the diabetes that she has triumphed over. She and I now weigh the about the same and are watching our bodies change daily. I was sooooo exciting seeing her reach new sizes in clothes, though health is her goal, I couldn't have been more proud for her. Then I got to thinking about how she said that it's so hard to see the smaller her, because the images of a heavier her still hang out. This hit me today. I know my pants have grown baggy and I have been drawing them up with a belt, but I still claimed the size they were. Sooooo, by myself I went to town to put furniture in my booth and received a check I didn't think I had. I told myself, "Nobody is with you so go try on some different sizes and when they don't fit, nobody's there to witness it." Sooooo I did! Woo Hoo! I started out a 22, have actually owned 24's a few years back and I could wear 18's with plenty of room to spare! I even put on and zipped up the next size down, but then I would have been arrested, lol!!! But I knew in my heart if they buttoned, it was attainable. I took my own advice and bought me a couple of sale rack items in my NEW size! Dare I throw the old ones away? God has made so many provisions for me throughout my life and I am so blessed because of it. Today I thank Him for voids filled by love and joy through friends and families and for my new health journey that I've begun and my partners I have to share it with. God is soooo good!

Marvelous Monday!

Woke up this morning feeling good! Amazing what a couple of days of exercise can do for you!! Amazing enough I haven't had a coke all day either and no headache. Even played Bunko tonight and was in good spirits and just got off the treadmill to top that. It is truly by the grace of God, but I feel him wanting to make a change in me. Everyone has their lines in the sand and I truly thought I had been there before with my feet, but the cancer scare had me pleading to my Mighty Maker with all my heart and I feel like it is somehow unfair to abuse something that I prayed so hard for. I'm going to pray daily that I stay close to my Maker and look at my changes one day at a time. Not to be discouraged by stumbles, remember I am worth more than I crave and last but not least, EVERYTHING IS PERMISSIBLE, BUT NOT EVERYTHING IS BENEFICIAL!

Gotta start somewhere and somewhere is where I've started. :)

Well, walked about a 1 1/2 miles on the treadmill yesterday and went and circuit trained tonight with some awesome ladies. Having accountability, companionship and counsel with others makes getting healthier sooooo much easier!! Will work on getting my water in better this week, baby steps are still steps! Had a blessed, blessed Sunday! God is good!!

God is Faithful.......and Beth needs to be too!

Wow! It has truly been forever since I have been on here, but I find myself needing an outlet lately and so here goes...lol! As the new year approached I found myself with so many ideas swirling around in my head. I'm not a big New Years resolution person, but I definitely believe in self reflection. I am 1 year from hitting the big 40, just had one of the bigger scares of my life with the whole breast biopsy (that'll make your head swirl much more than New Years for sure) and I am reading a "Great" new book that makes me look at my health in a whole different light and on top of that I am privileged to have just started a Bible study with a "beautiful" group of women! Whew....that's a mouthful, but all full of blessings in its own right. When it boils down to this New Year, I just want to be a better me! I want to seek God's will in what HE wants me to change and improve on and live life in a way that is more pleasing to HIM! Before the whole breast biopsy thingie, I had decided to give up sodas ( I love using that word because it so aggravates Pat) and was eating better. My new book that I'm " in love" with had me asking myself, "am I worth more than what I crave?" I was doing so good and then the scare and it made me realize just how quick we fill voids in life with stuff, that false sense of comfort. The only TRUE comfort is that which we receive from our Lord and Savior! It can't be found in a soda bottle or a fast food bag or a clothing store. So instead of making a big public profession for what I feel God is leading me to do, I will pray for HIM to reveal it, as he has already begun too and I will take action, one day at a time. Truly that's all we're promised anyway. HE is faithful.....and so should I be! Live, laugh and love! Life's to short not to! :)

God's Alarm Clock

I've had alot go on over the last 2 months that has made me take a big look at my health both spiritually and physically. I know, if you know me, you know this isn't my first rodeo sadly, but the circumstances surrounding it are. Over the past two months my grandmother has passed away due to a damaged heart, my uncle has had a massive heart attack, my daddy has had a massive heart attack and had to have a quadruple bypass and I found out this week that my Aunt has had a stroke. Well it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that my gene pool might not be the best one. I have contemplated heavily about having weight loss surgery, but I thankfully am sooooo bullheaded that I view that as defeat for me personally. (Not to say it will never be an option for me.) Another thing that has been bothering me is my study in God's word. I think I am a good person, I know I try and do good things and always be there for others, but is that really enough, in my opinion NO! Don't get me wrong, I pray and talk with the Lord all day long, but I am falling terribly short in knowing his word. How can I possibly apply his word to my life if all I know is what devotionals, preachers and quick verses I look up say. Soooooo, as of last night at around 12:40 I have decided once again to try and make some changes in my life and pray that I can stick with it. I've heard alot about the 17 day diet, so I read it last night and began Phase 1 today. I even forced myself to eat Romain lettuce! Yuck, hope that becomes an acquired taste. Lol! I also had the privilege of walking another 5K this morning, which got me some exercise in! Was I last, absolutely, but there is empowerment in simply finishing and walking for a purpose. On the back of our shirts were the words, "If you think this is hard, try chemotherapy!". When I think of one of my best peeps going through cancer, gracefully I might add, it really brings forward the reality that I am simply a whiner! I can accomplish anything for anyone, why to I fight myself on doing this for myself? So anyway, I'm blogging again to get thoughts and frustrations out and I'm off on a new adventure. Will I succeed, who knows, but one thing I know for sure, I will NEVER know if I don't try!