In His Image

More focus on my focus, but excited along the way!

2012-02-09T18:32:00.000-08:00

Cannot express how excited I am to be on this new healthy journey! My kids are worth it, my husband is worth it, I am worth it and my God instructs it! Today I had a few "god winks" in the form of compliments. Though I find myself wanting to bury my head in the dirt, it does feel nice for others to see what you do not always see in yourself. I can give them all day, but receiving is truly another story. As I begin to feel better, I am finding myself wanting to focus more on how to improve myself more. I am down to 1 can coke a day, but want to focus much more on getting ALL my water in. Though I've been logging in Fitness Pal,which a friend introduced me to last year, I want to start doing more planning instead of simply logging and then assessing. Just love having this drive from inside that doesn't include anything, for once, but exercise, eating right, praying and sharing it with like minded friends. Just felt like venting tonight about how happy I am where I am. For the first time I am not seeking the acceptance and approval of others along the way and am not fueled by the opinions of others, but more by what my Heavenly Father thinks. This is so contrary to the old me. If nobody notices, it's okay, I notice. Other than my friends journeying with me, most don't even know. Just a subtle little compliment here and there makes my heart smile knowing that my little secret isn't a program or a pill, I can officially say it's just my new life I've begun! Lord thank you for my exercising buddies to share and support each other, thank you for a different mindset and my prayer is that you continue to place a drive in me for better health that is unquenchable. Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial!

God is faithful and so are his provisions daily!

2012-01-23T20:08:00.000-08:00

This day marks the day that I lost my brother so many years ago. God has, I say gifted me, with the ability to not focus and lament on dates. To be honest, I had forgotten what this day was until a post on FB with pictures and the flood gates opened and the emotions came rushing in! It seems so unfair that the world seems to swallow up the hole that Jason left, but then I think, that's part of God's healing. You NEVER forget, ever, but God provides fullness in your life through family and friends. I am abundantly blessed with both. I actually have had an exciting day this afternoon. I've been cheering on my bestie who I love dearly on her journey to health and have joined her, though I don't battle the diabetes that she has triumphed over. She and I now weigh the about the same and are watching our bodies change daily. I was sooooo exciting seeing her reach new sizes in clothes, though health is her goal, I couldn't have been more proud for her. Then I got to thinking about how she said that it's so hard to see the smaller her, because the images of a heavier her still hang out. This hit me today. I know my pants have grown baggy and I have been drawing them up with a belt, but I still claimed the size they were. Sooooo, by myself I went to town to put furniture in my booth and received a check I didn't think I had. I told myself, "Nobody is with you so go try on some different sizes and when they don't fit, nobody's there to witness it." Sooooo I did! Woo Hoo! I started out a 22, have actually owned 24's a few years back and I could wear 18's with plenty of room to spare! I even put on and zipped up the next size down, but then I would have been arrested, lol!!! But I knew in my heart if they buttoned, it was attainable. I took my own advice and bought me a couple of sale rack items in my NEW size! Dare I throw the old ones away? God has made so many provisions for me throughout my life and I am so blessed because of it. Today I thank Him for voids filled by love and joy through friends and families and for my new health journey that I've begun and my partners I have to share it with. God is soooo good!

Marvelous Monday!

2012-01-09T19:44:00.000-08:00

Woke up this morning feeling good! Amazing what a couple of days of exercise can do for you!! Amazing enough I haven't had a coke all day either and no headache. Even played Bunko tonight and was in good spirits and just got off the treadmill to top that. It is truly by the grace of God, but I feel him wanting to make a change in me. Everyone has their lines in the sand and I truly thought I had been there before with my feet, but the cancer scare had me pleading to my Mighty Maker with all my heart and I feel like it is somehow unfair to abuse something that I prayed so hard for. I'm going to pray daily that I stay close to my Maker and look at my changes one day at a time. Not to be discouraged by stumbles, remember I am worth more than I crave and last but not least, EVERYTHING IS PERMISSIBLE, BUT NOT EVERYTHING IS BENEFICIAL!

Gotta start somewhere and somewhere is where I've started. :)

2012-01-08T19:28:00.000-08:00

Well, walked about a 1 1/2 miles on the treadmill yesterday and went and circuit trained tonight with some awesome ladies. Having accountability, companionship and counsel with others makes getting healthier sooooo much easier!! Will work on getting my water in better this week, baby steps are still steps! Had a blessed, blessed Sunday! God is good!!

God is Faithful.......and Beth needs to be too!

2012-01-05T19:44:00.000-08:00

Wow! It has truly been forever since I have been on here, but I find myself needing an outlet lately and so here goes...lol! As the new year approached I found myself with so many ideas swirling around in my head. I'm not a big New Years resolution person, but I definitely believe in self reflection. I am 1 year from hitting the big 40, just had one of the bigger scares of my life with the whole breast biopsy (that'll make your head swirl much more than New Years for sure) and I am reading a "Great" new book that makes me look at my health in a whole different light and on top of that I am privileged to have just started a Bible study with a "beautiful" group of women! Whew....that's a mouthful, but all full of blessings in its own right. When it boils down to this New Year, I just want to be a better me! I want to seek God's will in what HE wants me to change and improve on and live life in a way that is more pleasing to HIM! Before the whole breast biopsy thingie, I had decided to give up sodas ( I love using that word because it so aggravates Pat) and was eating better. My new book that I'm " in love" with had me asking myself, "am I worth more than what I crave?" I was doing so good and then the scare and it made me realize just how quick we fill voids in life with stuff, that false sense of comfort. The only TRUE comfort is that which we receive from our Lord and Savior! It can't be found in a soda bottle or a fast food bag or a clothing store. So instead of making a big public profession for what I feel God is leading me to do, I will pray for HIM to reveal it, as he has already begun too and I will take action, one day at a time. Truly that's all we're promised anyway. HE is faithful.....and so should I be! Live, laugh and love! Life's to short not to! :)

God's Alarm Clock

2011-05-07T10:59:00.000-07:00

I've had alot go on over the last 2 months that has made me take a big look at my health both spiritually and physically. I know, if you know me, you know this isn't my first rodeo sadly, but the circumstances surrounding it are. Over the past two months my grandmother has passed away due to a damaged heart, my uncle has had a massive heart attack, my daddy has had a massive heart attack and had to have a quadruple bypass and I found out this week that my Aunt has had a stroke. Well it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that my gene pool might not be the best one. I have contemplated heavily about having weight loss surgery, but I thankfully am sooooo bullheaded that I view that as defeat for me personally. (Not to say it will never be an option for me.) Another thing that has been bothering me is my study in God's word. I think I am a good person, I know I try and do good things and always be there for others, but is that really enough, in my opinion NO! Don't get me wrong, I pray and talk with the Lord all day long, but I am falling terribly short in knowing his word. How can I possibly apply his word to my life if all I know is what devotionals, preachers and quick verses I look up say. Soooooo, as of last night at around 12:40 I have decided once again to try and make some changes in my life and pray that I can stick with it. I've heard alot about the 17 day diet, so I read it last night and began Phase 1 today. I even forced myself to eat Romain lettuce! Yuck, hope that becomes an acquired taste. Lol! I also had the privilege of walking another 5K this morning, which got me some exercise in! Was I last, absolutely, but there is empowerment in simply finishing and walking for a purpose. On the back of our shirts were the words, "If you think this is hard, try chemotherapy!". When I think of one of my best peeps going through cancer, gracefully I might add, it really brings forward the reality that I am simply a whiner! I can accomplish anything for anyone, why to I fight myself on doing this for myself? So anyway, I'm blogging again to get thoughts and frustrations out and I'm off on a new adventure. Will I succeed, who knows, but one thing I know for sure, I will NEVER know if I don't try!

Got to Get Completely In the Wagon!

2009-08-05T19:39:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I have blogged. I haven't fallen off the wagon, but I must admit that I have had an arm/leg hanging off of it. lol :D Just been busy with all the hustle and bustle of getting things ready for school and getting started back to school.

I have still been 1/2 and 1/2 on my program, but am at a stand still. I think it is because I am still not ready to try to incorporate real food yet. I have been doing 1 to 2 shakes a day and trying to eat right for the remainder and I have discovered Diet Mountain Dew and haven't been getting my water in.

Not gonna cut it though!

It felt so good to walk back into that school and everyone to say that they could really tell a difference. It made me realize how far I had come and that I am ready to go that next step farther.

Soooooooo, without further adew I am going back to Baptist tomorrow and get myself back into ketosis. I shutter to even remember the 1st week that I originally got into ketosis. This will be my first week with children and also the ketosis hell week too! I'm tough though, I can do it. I want to do attempt to do the all shake thing through September and then mainstream back in food during October before I go off to Disney World.

Another chapter in the world of weightloss!

30 is not such a bad number!! :D

2009-07-26T18:15:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a while, so I thought I would drop in and post a few lines.

I am still at the ole diet, a combination of shakes and lightweight/healthy eating.

I am glad to announce that I am 2 lbs from losing 30 lbs. I am soooo excited!

I bought a new dress a couple of weeks back off of the sale rack and was brave enough to wear it this morning. You know, you think you want people to notice that you have lost weight, but I feel myself tucking in my shell like a turtle when someone compliments me. It's truly hard to accept!, but it is nice to know that my friends and family are behind me.

This last week we had VBS all week. It was truly a blessing, but there is this thing called the "teachers lounge"! It is truly the devil. It is filled with wonderful snackies such as nachos, meatballs, tomato and bacon sandwiches and too many sweets to count. I am proud to announce that I did not eat one single solitary thing out of that lounge! That was empowering believe it or not! We also had closing commencement on Friday night with, of course, a cookout with all of the fixings. Guess what, I walked around and talked with my friends and family and cleaned up and didn't eat at that either. Hmmmm! Beginning to think I am getting the hang of this. Well, that is pretty much what is going on in my world, hoping that all is well and blessed in yours as well! Have a wonderful week!

Back Up and Running!

2009-07-21T20:17:00.000-07:00

Thought I would drop in a line to let everyone know how everything is going in the world of dieting.

I did have a wonderful weekend with my husband, and yes I did eat some, but I made good choices. I had some broiled meats and some steamed veggies. The riskiest thing that I ate was scrambled eggs, but if you had seen the breakfast spread, you would have been so proud that I only ate eggs. lol :D

Monday I was back on the shake wagon with just a few healthy extras. Today is Tuesday and I was very happy to see that I didn't gain any weight over the weekend. Ha, I can make good decisions! I have also now been to VBS for two nights. During our VBS we keep a teachers lounge full of absolutely wonderful goodies! I am proud to announce that I haven't partaken of anything from that room and I have actually cooked for it. Yee Haw! I think I am getting the hang of making better choices.

I have another week or so before I go to weigh in, but I am feeling good and just want to keep it up! I must confess that I did discover Diet Mountain Dew, so I am going to make sure that I don't start drinking too much of that so I get all of my water in.

Wishing a blessed week to everyone!

Weigh In Day

2009-07-18T13:05:00.000-07:00

I am a little late with this post, but as many know, I went this past Wednesday, the 15th to meet with the nutritionist and to weigh in. I am proud to report that I am now down a total of 24 lbs! Woo Hoo! I never in a million years would have dreamed that a 24lb weight loss would have made such a difference in how I feel both emotionally and physically. It is truly proof that I have been cheating myself out of my health basically! It is amazing how much less problems I have had out of my feet and joints, as well, by simply giving up most all caffeine and sugar! Who would have thought! I also had a great meeting with the nutritionist on Wednesday, I told her that I didn't just want to lose weight, I want to become educated about food and the behaviors that got me where I am because I do not EVER want to go back. I want to be the healthy, energetic mother, wife, daughter, aunt and friend that I know I can be! Soooo, the journey continues and through HIS strength I will succeed!

To Be Or Not To Be (a smaller me)....That Is The Question?

2009-07-13T19:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life just isn't easy darn it. We can't wait to grow up where we can make decisions on our own, we finally get to that point and we want everyone to make our decisions for us. Ugh, guess we can't ever be happy.

Let me tell you what is going on in the land of dieting. Not really good right now. Ultimately I should be on an "all liquid" diet. I did find out about an emergency meal that consists of about 3oz of chicken and a green vegetable. Well I have done that a couple of times and I assure you that it wasn't an emergency situation. All in all I have found myself eating a spoon of peanut butter, a cup or steamed broccoli or a grilled chicken breast. Most of the time none in the same day, but there has been the occasion that I have doubled up. I truly thought about needing to transition into the program that is two shakes and a meal, but the more I have thought about it the more I don't think I am ready. I just feel like I am off of the wagon, which is really funny considering the few things I have splurged over. I just don't think I am mentally ready or equipped to dive back into the world of food. I am also going away for the weekend with my husband to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary. Ugh! After much thought I think I am gonna try and meet with the nutritionist and counselor this Wednesday and tell them my spill. I think I am then gonna go on my trip and eat VERY sensibly and possibly use shakes as well and then get back on complete liquids again come Monday morning. I think I need to do this until I at least break 200 lbs and in the process meet with the counselors and work through my relationship with food.

Nobody ever said that this would be easy and it's not, but I am strong, just stumbled for a minute.

Markdown Miracles

2009-07-11T21:37:00.000-07:00

You know, just when we think we have everything under control, God gives us a little wink to let us know whose hands we truly remain in.

I had to run to Brookhaven today to get my Blackberry repaired because Baleigh broke it on accident last night. As the old post have stated, instead of the diet getting easier, it has actually gotten more difficult for me as I have gone, but I'm hanging in there.

I knew my clothes had changed because I have had to wear a belt with everything including my shorts and I realized that I still could grab a hand of material in the seat of my shorts, SOOOO I thought, I am by myself and already in Brookhaven, I am gonna drop by Cato's and try on some clothes. In my heart I knew that if I hadn't gone down a size in clothing, nobody would be there to witness the tragedy or the meltdown in the fitting room! lol

I started in a size 22 at the beginning of my diet and new that the shorts I was wearing was a 20, so I took a deep breath and picked up an 18. It was as if I had stolen the clothing, I creeped to the dressing room as to not be noticed. I guess I thought others were thinking, "She knows she isn't gonna be able to get into that." However, I went on in and the process began. I stepped into the first pair of pants and SLOWLY and I mean SLOWLY pulled them up thinking any minute they were going to stop far short of their destination because they didn't fit, guess what, they didn't! Ha! I thought. They must have been cut a little big. Piece after piece I tried on all of the clothes and to my delight the size 18 now fits. I truly can't remember the last time I was in an 18. I realize to many that size sounds really big, but to me that means the beginning of a new journey and a brighter future. God new just what I needed and when I needed it. Imagine that! So with sheer excitement I got several items off of the sale rack and boldly laid them on the checkout counter, as to say, "I" would like to buy these and by the way, they are 2 sizes smaller than I bought last time! I just smiled on the inside and thanked God for the confirmation that I am making a change in my life for the better.

Thank you Lord for the "Markdown Miracles"!

Paper Bag Blessings!!

2009-07-09T20:18:00.000-07:00

If you read my last post you know that last night was a bad night. You know that I just about threw in the towel on the whole liquid diet.

Well I was about to explode and got on Facebook to see if there was anyone that I knew online to talk to.

There was one special lady online who always encourages me every time I see her and bless her heart I simply unloaded on her and she did a very special thing, listened!

After I got through ranting we got off of the phone and I went on to bed. I prayed really hard that God give me the strength to carry on with this journey and that tomorrow might be a better day. You know what, IT WAS!

Today has been a much better day, completely back on track and focused. I did some running around today and when I dropped something off at the clinic, Jill told me that this special lady had left me something.

There in a brown paper bag was a wonderful blessing! This special lady had given me a jar of pickles and boxes of sugar free jello. The two foods that are completely legal and a sweet card that had a couple of words, but the most important being, "YOU CAN DO IT!"

God used this special lady to minister to me last night and today and for this I am thankful!

Lord thank you for your blessings!

Ugh!

2009-07-08T19:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, not a good week! Being honest, don't know how long I'm gonna be able to hang with the liquid diet. My mind is swimming, not sure what to do. Hope it's just a bad day, but I'm afraid the feeling is here to stay.

Chinese Spectator

2009-07-07T19:02:00.000-07:00

Oh mercy, anyone who knows me knows my love for Chinese food, especially from Bo Bo restaurant.

Well we decided to take Thomas to town since Baleigh is gone and take him to eat and get some school clothes. Instead of him choosing Cracker Barrel where I could have splurged and gotten grilled chicken and/or green beans, he wanted to go to Bo Bo. Well, Momma wanted to make little man happy so I went. Oooooooo, I knew it was gonna be hard, but it was really hard! I survived though.

This week has been kinda hard to me. I have a past history of losing a little weight and then feeling like I was ahead of the game starting back to my old habits. Can't do that this time. This time it has to be a life change. Just gotta keep thinking that.

This morning I got up and put on a pair of shorts that two weeks ago I was gonna take back because they were too small, that feeling is not worth food.

I'll be able to have Bo Bo again, but after I have finished this journey.

Bye for now! :D

A Moment of Weakness...But Life Goes On!

2009-07-06T19:20:00.000-07:00

Well it happened. I was sitting at the house and was determined to eat something yesterday. I found myself in my kitchen going through everything that I had seeing what had the lowest carbs and sugar content. I finally decided that it was peanut butter and ate a spoon of peanut butter. I ate it very slowly to savor every little bit of it and then of course felt guilty.

I talked to a friend who has been through the program and they said that it will happen from time to time. I kinda find it comical that my binge eating consisted of going through everything that I had looking for something low carb and then binging on a spoon full of peanut butter. My binge eating would have normally been a big combo followed by an apple pie. So I definitely see progress in the way I am viewing food! lol :D

Unofficially of course, it looks like I have lost around 20 lbs now, but I won't have my official weigh in until July 17th.

I hope to be down from 251 lbs to around 215 lbs by the time school starts. I haven't weighed that in 8 yrs. That just goes to show me how fast life is flying and let's me know why I refuse to live another day as big as I am. It's a long road ahead of me, but it will be worth it in the end.

Hope everyone has a good week! :D

A Shake and the Lake!

2009-07-04T14:56:00.000-07:00

I must admit, I was wondering if I would be strong enough to get through the 4th without falling off the wagon, but I made it! All the sandwiches, iced down sodas, cold watermelon and snacks galore and I had 1 shake and a sugar-free jello! And we were at the lake from 9 - 5! I'm beginning to realize that I'm much stronger than I knew I was. Hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July!

Raising Cane about "Raising Cane's"!

2009-07-02T16:10:00.000-07:00

Somehow I got confused and went and weighed in today. I was thinking I had been on the diet for 4 weeks, but actually was told that today was my 3 week anniversary.

I weighed in and have lost 16 1/2 lbs as of now.

Just about the time I start getting down and thinking that I cannot do it anymore, it is time to go weigh in and it keeps me going.

Baleigh and I spent the day in Jackson and she ate "Raisin Canes" chicken on the way to the mall and I promise I could have stuck my face in that special sauces and strips and inhaled it!! I managed though, I ordered myself an ice water and mixed me up a good ole shake. I even made it out of Jackson without Krispy Kreme! I have actually driven completely across Jackson before to get a dozen donuts and I promise I would eat 6 before I could even get home. So that is a place I will simply have to avoid, because I don't seem to have any control when I go to that joint. lol :D

I have 9 more weeks that I am going to do the extreme program, so I am just gonna keep chugging along and counting down the days.

The support that I am receiving from my family and friends is truly what keeps me going. On days when I want to jump ship, they set my tail straight and off I go again.

Have a "blessed" 4th of July!

A New Way of Looking at Things!

2009-06-30T20:13:00.000-07:00

Well I'm still trucking along, nothing really big to discuss. I am going to weigh in this Thursday or Friday. Hopefully I can confirm another little weight loss.
I had another chicken breast and green beans today when Baleigh and I went for a late lunch at Cracker Barrell.
It was funny, I found myself looking at all of the things on the menu and viewing them completely different than I had before. The coke my daughter got, the only thing I could think was, that is about 120 calories. They brought biscuits to the table, though they smelled delicious. I realized that one day I may be able to have 1 with my dinner, but not the 2 or 3 I would have eaten in the past. I got my chicken breast and once again cut it into a million pieces and could hardly finish it. Another thing I noticed as I ordered my green beans is that normally with grilled chicken I would have had double carrots thinking I was eating good. The menu listed that each serving of carrots had 15 grams of carbs. WOW, OMGoodness! That means I would have normally eaten chicken, running each piece through ketchup, ate 30 grams of carbs with carrots and chased it with a couple of cokes and all of this on a day that I claimed to be eating healthier! And you don't even want to know what I order when we go for breakfast! I may still have to splurge on the french toast when all this is over. lol :D
All in all it is just a new way of looking at food! Sure hope it sticks with me.

Whew! It's been a rough couple of days!

2009-06-28T18:25:00.000-07:00

What can I say, it has been a rough couple of days. Pat got sick and we have been couped up in a hospital room for two days. You know, I never knew just how many food commercials there were until I couldn't do anything but watch tv. I thought I was gonna lose my mind and I surely almost derailed my diet. I didn't, but only by literally biting nails and the encouragement of friends!

However, just before we got ready to go, the nurse was unhooking Pat and I saw a scale in the hall. I asked permission to get on the scale and I unofficially have lost about 15 lbs. God knew I needed that to keep me going, so off I go again.

It just ain't easy, but I'll just keep pressing on.

A Rough Day!

2009-06-27T19:33:00.000-07:00

Today has been a rough day! It has been one of those days where I truly didn't know if I was gonna be able to stick with this liquid adventure! I made it though. It is time to go to bed and I made it. Praying tomorrow will be a little easier.Night everyone!

A Savory Encounter!

2009-06-26T16:52:00.000-07:00

I did it! I had a small amount of solid food today. The hospital told me that I could replace one shake with a small chicken breast and green beans.Not to be a routine practice by any means. Pat and I were going out of town this weekend, but couldn't due to him being ill so I had it at lunch. There was a day when I would have turned my nose up at just a chicken breast and green beans, but I treasured every bite! Baleigh even said, "Momma, why are you cutting your chicken up in such small pieces?" I couldn't help but laugh, I was trying to stretch every bit as far as it would go! Lol Anyway, back to the ole shakes tonight, but it is soooo gonna be worth it in the end! Hope everyone has a blessed weekend! :)

OMGoodness, is that a wrinkle I see?

2009-06-25T18:00:00.000-07:00

Not a wrinkle on my face, but a wrinkle of extra room in my pants! Woo Hoo!

I have had people ask me if I have lost anymore. I must admit that I am weighing, but only want to report on weights that come off of their scale. I will go back and weigh not this Monday, but next Monday or possibly next Friday. It's hard to believe that tomorrow will start my 3rd week.

It truly is becoming second nature. I have tried a few recipes that the clinic gave me to make with the powder, NOT HAPPENING! It was a good effort by them, but no cigar! lol :D

I like the shakes so much more.

Pat and I are going away for the weekend. They told me if I had a special occasion that I was allowed 1 emergency meal, so I may take it this weekend. I can have about 3 oz of chicken and 1 cup of green vegetables. Not sure though, it makes me nervous to eat anything solid at this point. Sure don't want to mess anything up, so off I go with shakes, pickles and jello in tow! lol :D

Won't have my computer until Sunday night or Monday so I guess I will drop a line then! Wish me luck!!

Have a blessed weekend!

Weigh-In #1 and I'm stoked!!

2009-06-22T12:45:00.000-07:00

I usually blog at night, but I just got back from my 1st weigh in and I am sooooo excited. I have lost 11 1/2 lbs. Woo Hoo!

It just makes it all worth it to here I have lost.

The nurse was wonderful and talked to me and with me through some things. She asked me what the hardest part had been and I told her I had done good for the most part, but sometimes would simply crave food and that I had trouble if I didn't pace my shakes. She made so much sense when she said, "Beth, those foods are gonna be there when this is over." Never really thought of it that way. She did tell me my cholesterol was 241 which is high and will be monitored and that my sugar level was at the very top of the high range. Hope I can avoid the diabetes thing by getting this weight off.

I knew I was serious about this when I went to a funeral yesterday and took a small cooler with a shake, two pickle spears, a sugar free jello and my water. I couldn't help but laugh at my goofy looking self! lol :D

Oh well, won't keep ya, just had to blurt out my good news!

Oh, I almost forgot, for the ladies in my community who keep coming up to me and say that they are praying for me and supporting me in this journey, THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart. You will never know how much it means to me and keeps my spirits high, as well as making me accountable. God has blessed me tremendously with the community that I live in!

Not the Best Day in the Land of the Liquid!

2009-06-20T19:34:00.000-07:00

Okay guys, today kinda stunk in the land of the liquid diet.

I drank my shake this morning and then went car shopping with my friends and didn't take a shake with me. It was 4:45 before I had another one. Good rule of thumb from now on is definitely NOT to let that much time lapse. By that time true hunger had set in and all I could think about was food.

Some days have been wonderful and truthfully there are some days where I would love just a bite of something, but I'll just push on.

I assure you this isn't the easy way out of weight gain. It is gonna be one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I promise you it will make me think twice before I eat 6 crispy cream donuts in a sitting or mindlessly snack all day long. Ugh! :D

Yesterday Was My Anniversary! :D

2009-06-19T19:47:00.000-07:00

My one week anniversary since I started my program, that is! Had a really good day yesterday. May have been just a little shy on my water, not much. Hadn't had any leg cramps until this morning,which is a side affect. Doggone they hurt!

Today I had tinges here and there where I kinda had the hankering for real food. Got Baleigh a chicken sandwich combo to eat on the way home from Brookhaven and I would be lying if I said my mouth didn't water some for it. I just kept chugging water and chugging water.

Just got to keep on keeping on! That's the only way.

If God Leads You To It, He'll Lead You Through It!

2009-06-17T19:42:00.000-07:00

Day #6 has finally come to an end and once again it wasn't a bad day at all.

On day #4, if you would have told me that it was gonna get better, forgive me, but I simply didn't believe it. Guess what, it does and it has!

I actually cooked spaghetti, french bread, a big salad and cookies for a family in our church and then cooked macaroni and cheese with deer meat for my family and it didn't even bother me. Woo Hoo!

I even caught myself instinctively going to clean the cookie dough off of my finger by putting it in my mouth and stopped and wiped it on a dish towel.

I'm not saying that there won't be more bad days ahead as far as not being able to eat what I want, Pat's birthday on the 29th, the 4th of July and our Annual Homemade Ice cream contest at church, our 15th anniversary on July 16th, Noah's b'day party and on and on.....

I'll just tackle them as they come and with God's help and the support that I'm getting from friends and family, I can do it!

If God lead you to it, he will lead you through it!

The End of Day Five and I'm Still Alive!

2009-06-16T20:26:00.000-07:00

As bad as I hate to admit it, it does seem to be getting somewhat easier by the day.

I didn't try to "take anyone out" this afternoon and tonight over food, this is a big improvement. lol :D

I did call a friend who has been through the same program and asked him if the afternoon/night cravings would come to an end and he said that they would after about two weeks, so I am 1/2 way there. He said that he was terrible grumpy until then, so I didn't feel so bad. He has lost about 100lbs since February.

Pat has been very patient through the whole thing so far, and this has been a blessing.

My aunt starts this program tomorrow, so I will have a fellow struggler to sound off of.

This has been a fairly uneventful day in the world of "liquid dieting", THANK GOODNESS!

I do have to cook for some families that are down in the church, so that may be another story... :D

The Devil Comes in the Form of Frito Pies and Hamburgers!

2009-06-15T18:23:00.000-07:00

Well, Day 4 comes to an end. I do really good in the mornings, but I do get hungry in the afternoons I must confess.

Baleigh had her softball game this afternoon and I found it really hard being surrounded by nachos, frito pies and hamburgers. Ugh! It is a wonder I didn't literally take down some poor unsuspecting child having their snack. I had to work today and I was surrounded by Gaslane fried chicken at lunch and tonight is my first time to cook supper since I started. Ooooo, not an easy feat.

It crosses your mind, "Why did I start this?", but I know if I can stick it out, if only for a little while, I am that much further along than I was before.

I'm a tough chic, I can do this! I need to really start praying around 3:00 to make it through the afternoons. So that, I will try tomorrow for sure!

Talk to ya'll tomorrow at the end of Day #5.

Sugar Free Jello and Pickles, Never Been Sooo Good!

2009-06-14T17:28:00.000-07:00

Well, I must make a confession. After I posted last night, I got soooo mad that I couldn't have a slice of pizza that my kids had that I had to get a bath and go to bed. Mercy, it was hard not to have some, so I just had to remove myself from the situation. So sad! lol :D

Day 3 was supposed to be the worst day according to the nurse and "knock on wood" today has went considerably well. It has really went off without a hitch. Must admit my stomach growled in church tonight, but I decided to eat some sugar free jello when I got home and it NEVER tasted so good. (It's allowed) I have also had 2 dill pickle slices as well.

It is funny that I thought I couldn't live without all of the food that I eat on a daily basis, but I can be satisfied so well with some measly pickles and a sugar free jello. Does that tell you anything? It does me!

I now know that I will have to learn to deal with the mental part of my need for food. I do find myself thinking about it, even when I know I'm not hungry. It's simply gonna be a process!

Family and friends have been extremely supportive and that is gonna go a long way on this journey!

Don't Make the Cupcakes Without Baking Powder!

2009-06-13T17:57:00.000-07:00

Day 2 and it went much better than Day 1.

I got up this morning and put some coffee in with the vanilla shake and got the ole' caffeine in first thing. No nausea or headache! Yeah!

When I got all of my "powdered beverages", I was also given a couple of recipes that I could use. Note to the public, it doesn't matter how much seasoning you add to powdered tomato soup, you ain't a gonna make it good! lol :D One of the recipes taught you how to make cupcakes out of the powder where you could have three for a meal. So excited at the thought of having something solid, I forgot to put in the baking powder, the sad thing is I had choked down I "landmine" before it dawned on me. Shamefull ain't it.

The good news is that I did get all my water in, which is a big feat with me, but one of the most important parts of the whole program.

I am, however, feeling very tired. Another side effect during the first week and gonna hit the sack early! Hope everyone has a blessed night!

Thou Shalt Not Covet the Grilled Cheese!

2009-06-12T15:53:00.000-07:00

Oh mercy, Day 1! What can I say, it's been a day. I know that God uses the weirdest circumstances to bring us into a closer relationship with him and this is definitely gonna be one of those circumstances.

I really haven't been hungry today, but I must confess, Baleigh made her a grill cheese sandwich and it gave a whole new meaning to the work covet! lol :D

The shakes taste good, vanilla is a little strong tasting kinda like cake batter, but good.

I however; did make a big boo boo, I am a big time coke drinker and I went all day with no caffeine. Public service announcement: DO NOT QUIT CAFFEINE COLD TURKEY!

It does make you realize just how addicted you can get to things, looks like I will be trying to whip two addictions at once.

I didn't inflict this torture on myself intentionally, I am a sipper and I knew if I drank a diet coke (which is allowed) I wouldn't get my water in.

I was in McComb with Baleigh and a headache and nausea hit me like a ton of bricks. Still suffering the repercussions of that.

I had to get out at the grocery store and when I got back in Baleigh had read the sheet that listed all of the side effects and said, "Momma this will all be over in a week." How tweet!

If all this wasn't bad enough, when I unloaded a bunch of meat into my two upright freezers yesterday, the door didn't catch, so I, the woman who can eat no solid food, is having to cook two deep freezers worth of meat so I can refreeze it and it won't waste. Ugh!

Get behind me Satan! lol I will not be defeated though, for some reason it makes me just that much more determined. I may not be such a pleasure to be around this first week, but it will work out.

Pat has been absolutely wonderful. I said, "Aren't you excited, your gonna love your skinnier new wife when this is over" and he said "I couldn't love her any more than I love her right now". He is even cooking all of the deer meat on the grill because the smell is strong. My Aunt who will start this program next week has text me encouragement all day long. I love her so much and know she will be with me every step of the way.

Anyway, this blog is truly gonna be therapy for me, it looks like I have almost survived day 1!

Let's Get this Party Started!

2009-06-11T14:04:00.000-07:00

Well I had all of my blood work this morning and met with the doctor this afternoon. I am so excited and encouraged. Most of the people who work their are success stories themselves. It is soooo encouraging for people to introduce themselves and then show you their before pictures.

Everything I heard today was encouraging. Really liked getting to meet with a counselor and a nutritionist. They are gonna be key in learning my new way of thinking!

The nurse practitioner said the first two days wouldn't be bad, but day 3 would be rotten and then it would start getting better. She said by the time I had been a full week I would have to be reminding myself to actually drink my meal replacements. We'll just have to see how that goes.

Pat mentioned me waiting and starting on Monday because I have a cookout on Saturday at my house and I said No, there has always been something going on that I said, "I'll start my diet as soon as ...... is over". Tomorrow is my day! :D

The Last Supper!

2009-06-10T20:05:00.001-07:00

Well this is it, tomorrow I go to get my complete medical workup and begin my program. Kinda scary just thinking about it. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm already having anxiety thinking about being without the comforts of the foods that I have come to love so much. I am already thinking, " Oh no, this is my last .....". It's an addiction and there is no other way around it!

I go at 9:00 in the morning and have ALOT of blood work and then go back around 1:00 to meet with the Dr. concerning results and then I'm on my way.

Wish me luck!

Here Goes Nothing...

2009-06-09T19:49:00.000-07:00

I decided to start this blog to track my new weight loss journey. I figured it would give me an outlet to vent without boring all of my friends with the day-to-day thoughts and details throughout the process.

For those that don't know, my name is Beth Larkin and I have been happily married for 15 years and have two beautiful children. I was extremely small during my childhood and young adult life and never gave weight a second thought. After the suicide of my brother and being diagnosed with hypothyroidism I began packing on weight and had gotten up to about 165 lbs at around 23 years old while in college. I then became pregnant with my beautiful daughter and stayed around 180 after everything settled down after having her. I then had my sweet baby boy 2yrs later and stayed around 215 after having him. I have slowly crept up from there over the last 10 years and am now at my all time high at just a few pounds shy of 250 lbs.

I have many health issues, I assure you more than you want to be bored with, but I am to the point where I am becoming crippled and can barely make it through the day due to major problems with my feet and the weight that they are carrying daily.

My outside doesn't not reflect the woman that I am on the inside, I truly feel trapped in my own body and am simply fed up with it. I am not a yo yo dieter and have never lost a substantial amount of weight. I should own stock in Weight Watchers and have purchased every kind of workout equipment that is imaginable to man and never any results. Can't blame any of it, I simply didn't commit.

I am now going to start a medically monitored weight loss program called New Direction through Baptist hospital in Jackson. It starts out as an all liquid diet for around 12 weeks. I know it is going to be hard, but I really want to do this and be successful at it. I want to learn new habits as well as identify my bad ones. I want God to help me change my relationship with food and take care of the body he has given me. I go this Thursday, June 11th and get all of my blood work and tests done and then I am on my way.

Wish me luck, all prayers appreciated!